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paura nella	ignition:	Lead	[-]
Posts: 1639 (07/07/06 06:39:43) Artistic Hack/Mod Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Tags : None akin to arthritic bones, creaking like forbidden steps; innocence withdrawn from memory banks recalling ghoulish tattoos stitched like worms crawling across desert stormed hearts mapping out topography locating where the wild things are in deep crevices __pining ghosts gnawing cotton candy; suffering sounds releasing passionate thoughts; a tenderness not unlike Revolution
Don Schaeffer	Re: ignition:	#1	[-]
Posts: 2886 (07/07/06 06:55:52) Registered Member Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I love the way you pass on the poem from verse to verse like in a relay race. Some of the images are very strong. What is the "__pining"? Is that an error?
paura nella	Re: ignition:	#2	[-]
Posts: 1639 (07/07/06 07:08:21) Artistic Hack/Mod Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	that's pining, and I didn't know how to create an automated space, so I substituted. Evertime I tried to put the space in on that verse, it would not work.
Unregistered(d)	Re: ignition:	#3	[-]
Posts: 0 (07/07/06 17:50:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hi Paura - been a while, yea? My fault, entirely. Anyway, I like the poem... my only quibble is that, at times, you tend to push a lot of mileage out of your thoughts. A few full-stops & pauses would help the reader stop and digest some of the unique & peculiar ideas inside the poem. Perhaps most apparent in lines like: ..."recalling // ghoulish / tattoos stitched like worms / crawling across desert stormed hearts / mapping out topography locating" ... Whether or not, then, that can be a fair critical statement about the poem, remains to be seen. Probably not. But. for such a short work, you've a lot of verbs--albeit strong--stringing together each moment without pause. reconsider? Perhaps this needs just a little white space to contrast its dense language. Just my evening thoughts, for what they're worth pleasure's mine - friday evening v best - ryan
paura nella	Re: ignition:	#4	[-]
Posts: 1639 (07/15/06 08:03:39) Artistic Hack/Mod Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thanks Lo, but actually, believe it or not, I spent over a year working on this on and off... I was trying somthing kind of differnt for vocal recital, but still remain in familier ground with the style I have been working on by stretching it out some with lots of visual descriptions of action.
quixotik1	Re: ignition:	#5	[-]
Posts: 1394 (07/22/06 07:22:09) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	This is awesome. You capture so many struggles. I wonder when peace will come, and all we'll need to be concerned with is the softest way to shrug. QUIXOTIK
russianGypsy	Re: ignition:	#6	[-]
Posts: 1148 (07/25/06 07:49:19) Mod Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I definitely like the poem but can only guess at its meaning. The title & revolution tie in for me from a mechanics pov & apparently you speak of turmoiled memories. I have no nits.
paura nella	Re: ignition:	#7	[-]
Posts: 1639 (08/03/06 09:01:52) Artistic Hack/Mod Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thanks quixotik 1 ! russianGypsy, I like your take on this. Thanks for reading.

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